Don't speak the same love language? "Houston, we have a problem!" June 26 2015
It's a good thing that we all don't speak the same love language. We'd either all have too much candy, flowers and clothes, or we'd all have mowed lawns, the trash taken out and the laundry put away! No one would be happy - except the person on the receiving end! There are 5 love languages and they are very unique. You have to ensure you're using the same love language as someone else if you want to connect with them and help them to understand that you're giving based on their needs.
Each language is different and explains why people treat you a certain way and may not respond to what you need - they may not know what to give you because they think their way is the right way and is an act of love. It can be confusing if you don't know what to give people because what you give isn't enough. It's not that it's not enough, it's probably just different from what they want, or are used to receiving. The 5 Love Languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Sometimes people can feel rejected if they don't receive on the level they understand. That's one of the reasons men don't "get" why women need flowers or to feel appreciated all the time - hint: it's an emotional response that women give based on you showing you took the time to care.
WAYS TO BETTER USE LOVE LANGUAGES
- Be sure to check the love languages that you use and that your spouse uses.
- You want to ensure that you communicate with people you love and let them know what you like. For example, if you don't like receiving gifts of clothes because you like to pick out your own things, let them know. A gift certificate can be a great way to receive something you can use and spend it the way you want to.
- Make sure that you look at a person's actions before you feel rejected by them. For example, a man might think that he's giving his spouse what she wants because he took the trash out, which is an act of service, but she may categorize it differently and see an act of service as him taking the time to order flowers and have them sent to her job.
- Understand people have different love language preferences, so sometimes you have to step outside of your way of doing things to reach them on their level. For that person who likes gifts, that might mean you pick out a few things like chocolate, a card, candles, lotion and bath products and put them in a basket and that might really touch their heart. For a man, he might want a new spatula and barbecue recipes for his outdoor grill and a gift certificate for Home Depot. Maybe your kids want a gift certificate they can spend the way they want to and movie passes. While you might not understand the significance if your language is different, you're reaching them based on their love language.
- Share your gifts and communicate regularly over what you want and need. Also listen to your spouse and kids so you're able to reach them with a love language they will enjoy!
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