I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war. Psalm 120:7
Your crazy ex, that psycho coworker, the narcissist who plays games with you and pretends its you with the problem, your Jekyll and Hyde loved one. It's like an episode of the Brady Bunch, but in this case it's the Draining Bunch. Who's stealing your peace?
It happens every day and to a lot of Christians. They're walking around like zombies, sapped of their energy. In a world where we are supposed to witness and share God's good news, there's so much inner turmoil, stress, and pain that some days people don't want to get out of bed. Let's explore a few personality types that you may recognize and tips to help you heal from them. You can get through this. You just have to come out from among them...
Plead my cause, O Lord, with them that strive with me: fight against them that fight against me. Take hold of shield and buckler, and stand up for mine help. Draw out also the spear, and stop the way against them that persecute me: say unto my soul, I am thy salvation. Let them be confounded and put to shame that seek after my soul: let them be turned back and brought to confusion that devise my hurt. Let them be as chaff before the wind: and let the angel of the Lord chase them. Let their way be dark and slippery: and let the angel of the Lord persecute them. For without cause have they hid for me their net in a pit, which without cause they have digged for my soul.
Let not the foot of pride come against me, and let not the hand of the wicked remove me. Psalm 36:11
If you've met a narcissist, then you might still be nursing a very tender heart. Narcissists are specialists for coming on strong, wanting to know everything about you, making you the center of attention and then out of the blue, WHAM! Something doesn't go their way and they lash out at you or use that one secret you told them to destroy you. Narcissists are expert manipulators and known for Jekyll and Hyde personalities. They can be parents, children, boyfriends, and girlfriends that you meet online on dating sites, and so forth. They can go from being extremely nice and chivalrous to explosive and violent - when no one is around. There was one story about a man who couldn't get anyone to believe that his girlfriend was a raging narcissist until he secretly strapped on a GoPro and recorded her violent rants.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. Ephes. 4:31
These might be coworkers, classmates, and people that hang in groups or will appear to be loners. They may have had sisters or brothers so they are used to fighting for attention and they carry childhood games into adulthood. They thrive off of seeing you miserable and seek out ways to secretly destroy you and crush your dreams. They want to steal your information, rob you of your identity, or just wait for you to get hurt so they can see you fall and they may be very passive/aggressive but won't admit to it. They should work for the FBI because they are identity terrorists. The problem is they may come across as super friendly and caring, but be careful if they are in a clique or approach you solo in confidence to get information from you. They will rob you of your confidence.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Phil. 2:3 (NIV)
A perplexing bunch, they mimic narcissists in different ways. Backstabbers want to see you fail and will openly laugh at you - as long as no one catches them. Mood Changers are there to bring you down. You could be having the best day, but their goal is to cause depression and change your emotions. They may sulk, not share your joy, and cause you to emotionally withdraw. They can intentionally depress you. They can also be violent and/or oppressive causing fear in you as they express their dominance. It's a narcissism demon. Anxiety is a demon that may latch onto one person and then may grab onto you. We're talking about the demon, not the person because the person may be fine and very kind, but the demon wants a new home/host. Anxiety demons may tend to cause you develop a heightened sense of fear and you may notice a rapid heart rate, the inability to breathe in stressful situations, and you may have tension headaches or an inability to stay calm and relax.
False witnesses did rise up; they laid to my charge things that I knew not. They rewarded me evil for good to the spoiling of my soul. But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth: I humbled my soul with fasting; and my prayer returned into mine own bosom. I behaved myself as though he had been my friend or brother: I bowed down heavily, as one that mourneth for his mother. But in mine adversity they rejoiced, and gathered themselves together: yea, the abjects gathered themselves together against me, and I knew it not; they did tear me, and ceased not. Psalm 35:11-15
So what's the point to all this? Doesn't everybody have something they are dealing with? Here's the main point. These are spirits that will harass you and want to destroy you or undermine you. In your Christian walk, they may try to stop you from enjoying life and will try in different ways to distract you, but they can also be very harmful where they try to get you to have thoughts of suicide, severe anxiety, and depression. While we can't diagnose the various disorders - only a professional therapist can and should do this, we are sharing these tips to help you understand that there may be people that you need to remove from your life. It may be that one relative you need to stay away from, or you may want to pray and speak to your pastor about ending an emotionally abusive relationship. Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. If anyone is trying to steal your joy and peace, recognize that it might be a demon trying to wreak havoc.
Here are a few pointers that can help you take charge of your life again...
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephes. 4:32
Come Out From Among Them
This is big. You have to separate from people that mean to harm you. It can be very hard especially if you live or work with someone trying to undermine you.
Cancel the Devil's Assignment
Pray and ask God to help you. You can pray to cancel the devil's assignment and cut the root of the devil off at the head. When you have time, go to church and ask for prayer, or you can call one of the prayer hotlines from Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, Bill Winston, Pastor Rod Parsley or another website and ask for prayer. This is very effective because it backs up the scripture "When two or more are gathered," so you have someone praying for, with, and over you.
Ask God if You Should Fast when you Pray
Jesus once told His disciples that some demons only come out with fasting, but it's better to pray and ask God first and ask your pastor for help with this. Sometimes God will say yes, to fast, and at other times, He may direct you to just walk away from the person antagonizing you.
When To Seek Outside Counsel/Help
If the person is abusive and threatening you, it may be a threatening menace demon. You should call 911 right away if your life is being threatened in any way. If you feel anxious and your heart rate elevated around a confrontational person, you may want to find out through your medical physician about setting up an appointment with a therapist who can explore if you have developed anxiety and fear related to the attacker's personality disorder. This can happen when people are dealing with expert narcissists who are masterful at manipulation. A therapist can help you explore how to stay away from the person so you can have time to heal and work on rebuilding your self-esteem and having your peace back.
Tips for You to Heal
One of the best ways to start healing is to go cold turkey away from the person. You need time to build your self confidence and self-esteem. You also need time to heal and a therapist can help you. If you cannot afford a therapist, you may be able to find articles online for increasing your self esteem. Take classes that you enjoy, put on funny movies, and soothing music, and spend time in the Bible so you can allow God and Jesus to help you find peace. Jesus is a comforter and remember, you are not alone. God knows all and sees all. You may also want to speak to your pastor or a family counselor at your church so you have someone to talk to. You may not want to bring the person with you right away because narcissists are experts at pretending nothing happened so they can make you suffer. Focus on your healing and pray so God can guide you.
How to Avoid the Same Mistakes
One of the best tips to help you is to back away from people for a season so you can heal. One of the worst mistakes that people can make is ending one bad relationship and quickly jumping into another. Give yourself time to heal. You may even want to read articles on the personality type of the person so you can better understand how they may have tried to manipulate you so you can avoid the same games in the future. Pray and ask God to help you to heal and to help you avoid anyone that might mean harm. You can walk away and you can heal.
A lot of times, the person you are dealing with may have anger, jealousy, and envy issues that they may not be aware of. Pray for them, but keep your distance so you're not distracted. Emotional demons like the aforementioned want to distract you so you can't hear from God. If they can keep you in the flesh, then you'll react in the flesh and you won't be able to hear from God clearly. Focus on your healing, staying away from the person, and getting your life back on track. If they attacked you, chances are you have a great future ahead of you or else they wouldn't waste their time trying to bring you down!
Finding Support Groups
In seeking out support groups, pray and ask God for direction. You don't want to leave a narcissist for example and go to a group with another narcissist that will come across as really nice and supportive. Let God bring into your life who He wants around you, and if He chooses to give you time on your own, that's okay, too. You need time to grieve and heal.
And don't worry. God's got you and great things are in store for your future!
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11